Brownie Series: A Rather Strange Object
by Arhani 'Hanny' Daforcena
Summary: Now, it's Makarov's turn to encounter the evil little kitten from hell, would he survive, or would she prove to be a bane of his existence? But this time, it seems that Brownie seems to like him and his men...
1. Prologue, or, AWWWW, KITTEN!

Vladimir Makarov had never seen anything like it before. Standing before him, was a small little kitten, begging him to take her home with him. The creature was brown from head to toe, and more interestingly, had stolen a piece of brownie from someone else, and was happily nipping away at her little conquest.

"Meow?" she asked, tilting her head sideways. Damn it, if she had not been so damned adorable, he would have shot her and returned to whatever he was doing. Hence, he picked her up by the scruff of her neck and observed her carefully. A little angered, she glared at him and swiped at him with her tiny paw. _Oi, watch it!_ She threatened, with the best hiss that she could come out with.

"A feisty one, are you not?" Makarov asked with a hint of amusement in his voice, gathering the kitten into his arms, in which he found the little bell tied to a pink ribbon around her neck. "So, you're name's Brownie... What a fitting name."

_Tell me about it..._ Brownie rolled her eyes. _Humans lack in originality, but hey, you're all top of the food chain._

The human behind him chuckled and said, "She seems to understand what you said, Makarov." If cats could speak, oh, how much Brownie would tell them all. But she was a cultured little kitten, even if the humans around her often had a rather colorful vocabulary.

"Indeed," Makarov replied. "Well, we have no choice but to bring you along, do we not?"

_"_Meow!" she replied, nodding her head. _You've got that right!_


	2. Anatoly, or, Brownie's Dinnertime Find

Dinner with the world's most feared terrorist was sometimes a rather simple one, really. Well that's because with all the amount of money that Vladimir Makarov has, he was constantly on the run, hence, they could not help but to survived on some canned food or anything that they could come across, which was fairly nothing if they were now in Afghanistan. Yes, the kitten that they had come across in the city was still with them, and even endured what seemed to be her first helicopter ride with much aplomb. No wonder Makarov had taken such a liking to the tiny little thing.

"So, what do you want, Brownie?" Anatoly asked as she looked up at him while he was preparing dinner, none of which looked appetizing to her at all. Honestly, did he expect her to even eat stuff out of those round metal things? "There's not a rat in sight for miles." 

_Meh, like that ever stopped me..._ Brownie thought. _Well, time to put up my acting chops..._ She could have sworn that she saw a few humans wearing the same clothing pass by not so long ago... Smoothly, she jumped from the table and made her way out of the shack, which served as Makarov's hideout for the past few days. Using her sense of smell, she followed the trail that she quickly picked up and found some humans with patches of red, white and blue on their arms.

"Meow?" she asked them, as cutely as possible, successfully catching their attention.

Now, what had followed after that was not rather important for a tiny, devious little kitten like Brownie. All she knew was that those humans gave her a full carton of milk, which was enough for her to last the rest of the day. She did not care that Anatoly had followed her to that spot and killed them with his stick that spouted fire, nor was it of any concern that they had said something about some general was hiding at some place known as "Site Hotel Bravo..."

_Hmmm... Shepherd... sounds familiar, though,_ Brownie thought to herself when Makarov had praised her for bringing him a step closer to victory. _Oh well, at least now I can have a nap._

And that was what the little kitten did. _  
_


	3. Makarov, or, The Brave Kitten

Humans were the strangest of things. They would run around in circles, using fire-blasting sticks to kill one another for reasons unknown to Brownie. No matter how many times she saw her new batch of humans killing other humans, she would just find the tallest cupboard and hide right up there, far away from the danger. The strangest thing was that the apparent leader of these three people, the one with mixed colored eyes, he seemed to have an entire pride of humans following him in different places as well.

"You must think that I am a very bad person, don't you?" Makarov asked Brownie just after he had plunged a tactical knife deep into the chest of a Shadow Company foot mobile. The kitten just looked at him and gave him a shrug and a nonchalant "meow". This guy had the luck to chance upon the hideout, without the rest of his squadmates, which Anatoly and Viktor had already been sent out to take down as soon as possible.

_Frankly, I couldn't care less_, Brownie replied to him in her mind, jumping down from the cupboard. It was great to be a cat; you landed on your feet every time, not like those ungraceful, stumbling humans. _As long as you feed me, I'm a happy girl._ She rather liked that human before her. She could tell that at least he uses more of his brain than some she could mention, and not only that, he was totally appreciative of her no matter what sort of trouble she would get herself into.

Makarov looked at her with a raised eyebrow as she plunked herself down on the bloody corpse, looking at him with those big, round eyes as if the dead man was nothing to her. How could a devious little being like her look so damned adorable even if she had an obviously macabre sense of humor? "Brownie, you're one strange little thing," he commented before getting her off the corpse and bringing her onto the bed that he had claimed for himself.

_Hmph, so much for not being afraid of a dead human…_ Even as she said those words, what Makarov understood was that she gave him a rather angry "meow". However, she started to curl up on his pillow and started to fall asleep while he removed the body. He could worry about them paw-shaped bloodstains on his bed later.


	4. Viktor, or, Psychological Warfare

Truth be told, Viktor was more of a dog person than a cat person, so, he was a little ambivalent at the feline newcomer of theirs. He really could not understand why the heck Makarov actually wanted to bring the little one along with them. So, there he was, watching the little kitten while Anatoly and Makarov were out scouting for the exact location of Site Hotel Bravo, wherever it was.

Brownie, on the other hand, she did not really like that fellow either. She thrived on attention, and this human hardly gave her any, but it did not mean that she would pounce on him on the spot. _I'm hungry, feed me!_ She demanded, but the human did not really seem to care at all, and that made her rather mad…

"What the hell do you want?" Viktor asked her when she was constantly meowing, getting louder and louder by the moment.

_Ok, buster, you asked for it…_

Without saying anything more, the little kitten went over to man's bunk and revealed her teeny-tiny, but ultra-sharp claws, heading straight for his little secret: the teddy bear that he would hide beneath the blankets. _Heh, now you won't look so mean, would you?_

Well, Brownie was not so sadistic in that she would use downright psychological torture. She would leave that to the human with mixed-colored eyes. So, she would just tear the seams of the artificial bear and take a little of the stuffing out.

Hours later, when Makarov and Anatoly had returned, successful with their mission, Viktor decided to retire for awhile, after a whole day of tapping into enemy comms, only to wail in utmost anguish when he saw the pile of stuffing next to his half-filled bear.

"There can only be one culprit here," Makarov sighed in exasperation as he stroked Brownie in his arms. "And as a lesson, there'll be no dinner for you, young lady."

_Heh, like that ever stopped me_, Brownie retaliated and jumped down from Makarov. _Damn, he does not have a teddy bear or a hat…_


	5. Epilogue, or, Bye Bye Again

And so, every meeting has to have a parting. As little Brownie had left the idiots in the submarine, she must leave the smarter ones when they came to a city known as Moss Cow, or so Brownie thought it was called. Whatever it was, she knew it to be a place where much fighting would happen, because those guys with them red, white and blue patches on their clothes would surely come after Makarov and his pride for killing their friends.

"You be safe, little one," Makarov told her, petting her tiny little head. "Perhaps, one day, we'll meet again."

Anatoly too, said warm goodbyes to her. He even gave her a whole fish for dinner that night, earning a repeated chorus of thankful meows. "I'll miss you, Brownie."

_Awww_, _you don't have to…_ she thought, getting on her hind legs to imitate that human gesture when they met each other. She really, really liked these people. They were vicious enough, and yet, they paid her lots of lots of attention, except the dude with the teddy bear, who still bears a grudge with her.

Soon, helicopters filled the skies, and the three humans were nowhere to be seen. _Haih, here we go again…_

From one of the helicopters, came out a group of humans bearing the same stick-like weapons like all the humans she had encountered did.

"Ramirez, what is it?" asked the dark skinned human.

"Meow?" Brownie asked in return, doing her "cute little confused kitten" routine to utmost perfection.

"It's a kitten sir," the man named Ramirez replied. "She looks homeless, shall we keep her?"


End file.
